TAKUDZWA HILLARY CHIWANZA
Allow me to rant a bit about Smart4U. Not because I did not know what I was getting into. I did. I have always known it to be a shitty package. But it has taken new lows that are really grinding my gears. And in this I know it is not only me. Everyone else who uses this package can attest to the fact that it will always make you feel as if you are on the verge of insanity. Terribly slow internet has the capacity to make you feel that way! Awful, I know.
It just befuddles me why Econet even created that package in the first place. It has always felt like giving with one hand while taking with another. Because how do you give someone the impression of ‘unlimited’ internet (under the shady auspices of the so-called ‘fair usage policy’ which no one really knows about) and then proceed to just make the internet utterly unusable? It’s outright diabolical work. But that is Econet. They have mastered this game.
The promise of Smart4U is very alluring. Unlimited internet for that affordability? I mean, come on! Who wouldn’t take such a deal? From the outside, it seems and looks very innovative. Just wait till you buy it and start using it. Horrendous stuff! Hell, these are works of criminality here. And yet, because you have infinite internet needs, you look around and get greeted by a dearth of other viable alternative options (as if Smart4U is viable, lol).
I have been using Smart4U for four months now. I also used it last year for two months, then decided it is not worth it. (When I used it last year it actually showed me how much data I had, surprisingly I guess, because when I tried the inquiry again this year obviously nothing showed. You just don’t know how much data you have.) As for this year’s usage, it felt like it was the wise decision during the first months. It was $15 (same price as last year’s). And then it all goes downhill from there. Because at first, the allure of getting that much internet for little cost is simply irresistible. And then that is when you come to the stark realization that all that glitters is not gold. Cliché, but absolutely relevant here. I have been paying $30 for the past two months – that comes with 420 minutes of call time, like bro, what the hell do I need 420 minutes for? I fall on the side of introversion – and honestly, I’ve been asking myself if this is really worth it. A question every other Smart4U user will ask themselves. The answer is obvious.
Regardless, you stay loyal. Knowing very well that you are in a bad contract. You always know what you are getting into. There is that running joke that goes, “Smart4U unotenga data but network unozvionera”. LMAO! You can’t even do anything meaningful with this absolutely dreadful package. It’s monumentally exasperating. It seems the only thing this package can do with some reasonable degree of alacrity is sending WhatsApp messages. Text, that is. Try to send a video on that very same WhatsApp and a new baby will be born and reach Grade 2 whilst that video is still sending.
But here is where Smart4U is twisted: with it, it feels as though it is useless but when without it, you are absolutely fucked. That’s some Econet witchcraft right there. Okay, initially, I didn’t want to get into this charged diatribe, because the alternative is simply switching to another network. So, I will just say, this is my last month buying the Smart4U bundle, and I’m returning to NetOne even though it seems it doesn’t have a Smart4U equivalent. Big Beautiful Bundle maybe? I will see. All I know is that I will never use Smart4U again. Hakuna zvinhu zvakadaro boyz lol.
We obviously know that the ‘unlimited’ label on Smart4U bundles does not mean it is unlimited stricto sensu (in the strict sense of the word). It is all about a [vague] fair usage policy. Once you hit your threshold, expect throttling of the highest frustrating order – the point where you can’t even view a picture on Instagram or Twitter. We know. But lately it seems as if right from the moment you buy the bundle, nothing works! And I’m not even kidding, guys.
We are told it is tailored to each user’s needs, but hameno. What we know is that it is a bundle that does not work, especially at critical moments you want it to work, moments where your livelihood is dependent on how you use the internet. While the bundle has the capacity to somehow improve internet accessibility for quite a number of people in the country, it is exceedingly clear it is not the package you would want to use for serious work.
I’ll close this article with a tweet by my good cde Tafadzwa Madzika: “I got a view once, Smart4U ikati unonyeba. Kutozashandisa imagination😔 Yep, hectic stuff.
It was nice knowing you, dear Smart4U. I’m out. Peace.
(You really couldn’t be smart for me.)
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